Shortly before his 11th birthday, my son informed me that he wants to be a chicken nugget scientist and that he found out it’s actually a valid vocation. When I acknowledged him and reaffirmed that he wants to be a food scientist he corrected me saying, “No, a chicken nugget scientist. Chicken nugget scientist is going to be my thing.”
Dan Jones of The Aspie World has joked that the chicken nugget could well be the global symbol for autism. But I can understand how my son finds this the perfect food. It’s hot, crunchy on the outside, tender on the inside, always tastes the same, easy to eat, no knife or fork required, and there’s practically no mess. It ticks plenty of boxes on the sensory scale. Dan also points out, however, that food aversion, which can go hand in hand with autism, is not just about sensory issues, even though sensory processing is one of the key indicators for an autism diagnosis.
At home, we’ve learnt to adapt to our son’s way of eating. All his food is separated when served and we try to make sure it’s piping hot. Plus, we’ve learnt to have lots of freezer back-ups of his staple foods (which, yes, includes chicken nuggets) and these he has not only as planned meals but also for the times we’re serving a family meal that may be challenging for him.
Before we learnt the autism adage of finding ways to adapt to the autistic person rather than the other way round, we stressed quite a bit about his eating habits and behaviours, trying to get him to adapt to our way of eating, and this made matters worse. He has high anxiety around food, or perhaps more specifically around mealtimes, and I’ve been trying to undo this by being super casual about what he eats and doesn’t and whether he tries new foods or not. Sometimes it feels like we’ve made progress and at other times, none at all. I’m realising that even looking to ‘undo’ is a way of not seeing our son for who he is.
Our most successful mealtimes have been those where there are a number of options laid out on the dinner table and everyone can freely help themselves to whatever they want and as much or little as they want, the atmosphere is generally relaxed and there’s some distraction (a friend at the table or a fun conversation). At times like this, he may even try something new or slightly different, maybe. But these particular settings are difficult to materialise all the time and are usually the exception.
Dan says one of the things that people always get wrong or forget about autism is that environment is everything. He says the autistic child or adult may like a certain meal in a certain place, and not in another place. It’s not just the meal, it’s the setting as well. He calls it ‘situational connection’. I know our son tried a fried steak at a friend’s house that he said was the ‘most sophisticated meal’ he’s ever had. We jumped on the chance to try it at home and again at a restaurant, but to no avail. Situational connection right there.